✔ I don’t want to get married. I want to stay single and let my hair flow through the wind, as I ride through the glen firing arrows into the sunset.
It may just be the area I live in, but I don’t think I’ve met any openly poly people (outside of tumblr) who aren’t white.
I can’t comment on you and the area you live in, but one general effect of white supremacy I’ve noticed more since Black friends of mine pointed it out to me is that white people, including me, can simply ignore anyone except for other white people, or notice them less, or not notice that they’re not white(!), or assume they’re not part of the same group or aren’t resident.
White estimates, including my estimates, of “how many Black people are there in my city / social group” have turned out to be consistently low (outside of things like immigration scaremongering, which I guess is maybe a different thing?).
Or, y’know, of course it could also be that the exclusion in your area is massive enough that there literally aren’t any openly non-monogamous Black people. Like I said, I can’t comment for you and your area!
For some people of color, being poly is a serious cultural risk. We risk being alienated and disowned by our indigenous community, and while there are many polys who incur this risk, people of color have historically relied upon their community for survival. It’s well-documented that every non-white race in America has been forcibly indoctrinated into the prevailing white culture. People of color were forced to leave their own culture and religion behind and so—in order to survive—they assimilated and rallied around the communities they rebuilt.
Being a polyamorous person of color effectively means leaving this all behind for a community that is currently blind to intra-racial tensions, or struggling to hold on to both. As a product of that generation, but having been raised in suburban neighborhoods, my life has always been a constant struggle to live between two cultures and two communities. Although both my parents are black, I’m enveloped by the dominant white culture. Societal norms, thoughts, opinions and actions are directed and/or influenced by whiteness, while my knowledge and love of history, culture and sociology tugs at my cultural roots and the burning desire to define my own blackness. Coupled with this is the external and internal fight to relate to those of my own race and ethnicity, including those who begrudgingly or unknowingly indoctrinate themselves with the current American capitalist stereotype of blackness. One the one hand, I have black people questioning and criticizing my ignorance of the nuances of the American capitalist stereotype of blackness and subsequent deep immersion into white culture, while on the other I have white friends and loved ones oblivious to these struggles. I can’t count how many times poly people—and non-poly people—have joked with me about being a “pimp” or having a harem, without a single thought of the struggles I may be facing against those negative stereotypes.
Community is more than just an acceptance of individuals; it’s about respecting individuality in its entirety. Yes, we are all humans and we all have our struggles, but erasing history is erasing personhood, and that destroys individuality. The polyamorous community spends a lot of time talking about partying, having lots of sex, and how we are unfairly treated by the mainstream monogamous culture. However, when the spotlight falls on us, it is too easy for us to return to our comfortable societal norms of mainstream culture, and tokenize different marginalized groups so we can claim we are “diverse”. So, in writing this article, I’ve taken up the “token black guy” mantle again…only this time, I brought a mirror.” —
I finally had sex with the transient and it was fun and my husband was excited for me! Overall it was a good fucking night. I could not have thought of anyone better to be my second, I didn’t feel pressure or insecure or uncomfortable it just felt natural. I’m happy and I can go to sleep now.
A munch is a social gathering for people who are polyamorous and/or kinky. They’re usually in public places and, thus, kept at PG or PG-13. Munches are great for meeting other poly/kinky people, networking, and just getting out of the dungeon every now and then. FetLife is a great resources to find munches in your area.
NOTICE: MUNCHES ARE TERRIBLE FOR FIRST DATES!!!!